LIFE CHANGING WORDS
Writing As A Meditation
Hi lovely people! My name’s Emma and I’m so grateful to be a guest on the Something Beautiful blog in honor of Mental Health Awareness month.
Recently, I said the words that changed everything for me...”I need help.” My struggles seemed so insurmountable. I had lost sight of my values and what I was passionate about. I was NOT seeing the light at the end of the tunnel…AT ALL.
Removing The Armor
I remember the night I fell in love with storytelling: reclined on a plush La-Z-boy, elbows deep in a box of Cheez-its, captivated by the suburban lives of Kevin Arnold and Winnie Cooper - the young lovers on the sitcom, The Wonder Years.
Long touted as a “mindless” hobby, television viewing is ridiculed for stealing time from seemingly more “productive” activities, but for me, television was the gate-way to a world of fiction. To made up lands of teenage drama and problems far greater than my own. The Wonder Years was my escape.
Finding My Calm
When I was a kid, I remember being pretty sensitive. I was relatively popular in school, but went through phases of being incredibly shy and straddling the line that separated the “cool” kids from the others. One thing that sticks out more vividly than anything else though was the need to feel included. I wanted the validation that people liked me, and when they didn’t or made fun of me, it was truly crushing to my emotional state.
My Mindfulness Journey
Suffocating. Having the literal and figurative life sucked out of me. That is what I was feeling in late fall of 2017.
My husband and I had just made the difficult decision to move back "home" to Michigan from out west over the summer with our two young daughters, leaving behind his older children from his first marriage, which was a huge stressor all on it's own. We struggled with that, trying to find our new normal. My husband was much more vocal about his unhappiness than I was because I was in the mindset that it was where we needed to be "right now." We wanted our little ones to give this new life a fair shot, and how could they if all they saw were their parents being miserable? His sadness still weighed heavy on me though.
Loosen The Reins
I’ve been practicing yoga for 10 years - it’s been a huge part of my life and I’ve always been attracted to a more holistic lifestyle. Yoga has been one of the ways I’ve been able to manage depression and anxiety, from restorative to vinyasa I always find ease during and after my practice. When I go through rough transitions - yoga is there for me and has been for years. The practice gives me a safe space to heal, flow through my emotions, and release what is no longer serving me.
This morning I was unexpectedly overcome with emotion.
How synchronistic for this to come the day before the mental health challenge starts. Coincidence, I think not. Synchronicity, yes indeed.
This emotion has been so strong, that I’m currently being overcome with a feeling that I need to be vulnerable, right here, right now, in this very instance with all of you. Hence, I write this blog post that was so not in the cards to get written today. I chose to bow in surrender to this intuitive guidance because I know it’s what creates the magic of life, and I’ve been telling myself to slow down so I can actually feel into this intuition (I couldn’t turn it away now!).
I remember the nights when I couldn’t fall asleep because my mind was constantly racing and fretting about the long to-do list. I would finally fall asleep for a few hours, but be woken up in the middle of the night because I somehow remembered something else I needed to add to it. This was happening so often I started sleeping with paper and a pen next to my bed so I could scribble down these thoughts because I ended up getting even more anxious thinking that I wouldn’t remember to add this to my list in the morning.
THAT'S A WRAP
I was recently in conversation with a new friend who had come into my life and I was telling them about a recent workshop I’d attended. The workshop really resonated with me in a deep way and I felt some shifting happening in my heart around a block I’ve had, so I I was so excited to tell this new friend about my experience and some of the feelings and revelations I felt during the workshop. As we began talking, it led us down a path of discussing my lifestyle choices. What happened next caught me by surprise and left me feeling some sadness, anger, and defensiveness.
FILL UP YOUR CUP
I’ve been working on a 2018 reflection and realizing this wasn’t as easy to write as I thought it would be.
You see, this year was full of so much magic, adventure and exploration, new friendships, lessons, heartache, growth, joy, and healing. It was a year of change and new beginnings. 2018 was such a powerful year for me in so many ways, that I’m still processing the experiences that took place (I already have tears in my eyes and I’ve only written 3 sentences).
Let's Get Diggin'
My cousin and I spoiled ourselves silly and had a full day of spa services over the Christmas holiday! It was a Christmas gift to ourselves and it was “da bomb!”
We both left the spa saying how needed it was and how great we felt (ahhh..bliss). I may have even told the masseuse, while in my zen-like state on the massage table, I was moving into the spa so I could have a massage everyday (at the time it sounded cool).
LIVING MY TRUTH
I’ve been in a bit of a writer’s rut recently and it hasn’t felt great. Up until the last two months, I’d been journaling religiously everyday and writing blog posts. Then poof…the creative juices disappeared out of thin air. I would sit with my hands on the keyboard, staring at the blank Word document, waiting for any letter(s) to show up on the screen. I would tap my fingers on the keyboard thinking this would help, but still nothing.
Lately I’ve been working on stepping into my truth. And I mean a few things when I say this.
First, I think about how I’m stepping into my divine truth. My divine purpose for being on this earth. I generally know what my purpose is, but I feel overwhelmed by the number of options I have to go about fulfilling this purpose. I have so many ideas, and get ridiculously energized by the thought of these ideas, but sometimes I get all up in my own head. Lately I’ve been asking God to continue revealing to me his plan and setting this as my intention before my meditations.
NATURE IS OUR GREATEST TEACHER
Yesterday I flew back to Michigan from Portland, Oregon. On my way to Denver from Portland, I had an interaction with a boy who had down syndrome and I can’t stop thinking about our time together.
To top it off, I was meditating this afternoon and the words “Remember Me” kept coming into my head.
Here’s what happened and why I can’t get these words off my mind.
Part II: Ayurvedic Journey
Nature speaks to me.
You might be thinking, “Yeahhh, ok, Libby. Now you’re losing it.”
Hear me out.
As I spend more time in nature, taking mindful walks or meditating, I’ve realized nature speaks to me.
MY HEART TOLD ME TO DO IT
It’s been 14 days since I started my Ayurvedic journey, so I wanted to share an update on how I’m feeling.
Today I woke up feeling really good!
The first week was a bit rough. I realized about a week in that one of the products I was taking has milk (I have a dairy intolerance). Then I realized the tonic I was taking has gluten (there is barley and I have a gluten intolerance), so I stopped taking these. It was totally my fault for not looking at the ingredients more closely, but could explain why my symptoms got worse the first few days. After about 3 days of taking these out, I noticed a difference in my bloating - though I was still experiencing it a little.
MY JOURNEY WITH AYURVEDA
I was recently asked in a workshop why I decided to quit my job and start my own business versus building mindfulness training programs for my employer.
My answer: “My heart told me to, so I did.”
And that’s the truth. I don’t have any other explanation.
Spirit told me I was going to be a healer. God nudged me to take a leap of faith.
The feeling was so strong and the voice so loud, I knew there was no other option. It was time to get out of my comfort zone.
HONOR YOUR SOUL
I’m sitting here on my computer not really knowing how to start this blog post, but I keep telling myself to just write. Just write.
I’m wanting to share with you some things I’m experiencing, but struggling as to how to say everything I want to say in a precise manner. So if this post turns out a little all over the place, well, this is why :)
HEALTHY ON THE GO
I found out this week that September is Self Improvement Month, so this naturally has me reflecting on my own personal growth journey the past several years.
In the spirit of celebrating this random “national observance” (is that what we call this?), I figured I would give you some nice, juicy details about my journey and get vulnerable today. Because you see, I was never someone who spent any money on my own personal growth until I hit rock bottom, and I don’t want you to make the same mistake.
MUSIC FEEDS MY SOUL
I started a cleanse yesterday! A much needed cleanse.
And I’m excited about it because I’m ready to load my body up with nutrients to get it back on track. I’ve been feeling “heavier” than I usually do, my energy levels are low and I haven’t been sleeping well, so I know it’s time to pump my body with some colorful goodness.
These last 8 months of traveling have taught me some important lessons, but the one I’m reflecting on today is the idea that I (we) can still follow a food plan and eat healthy while traveling.
I love listening to music, and I love dancing to it even more. If you’ve been to a wedding with me, you’re bound to have seen me tearing it up on the dance floor. Literally.
Just to give you an idea of what I mean by “tearing it up.” Here are some photos of what I look like when I’m really really really feelin’ a song. These are from my friend’s wedding in Chicago this past June.