Loosen The Reins

This morning I was unexpectedly overcome with emotion.

How synchronistic for this to come the day before the mental health challenge starts. Coincidence, I think not. Synchronicity, yes indeed.

This emotion has been so strong, that I’m currently being overcome with a feeling that I need to be vulnerable, right here, right now, in this very instance with all of you. Hence, I write this blog post that was so not in the cards to get written today, because when strong emotion comes a rollin’ in, it’s time to listen up.

This is what happened.

I was sitting on a global call with friends (we call each other sisters actually) from around the world this morning. We were chatting about stepping into our True Power, what resistance we were feeling towards doing this and where we were before we accepted the invitation to Rise.

I sensed the resistance I had in my body towards these questions before our call, but I wasn’t totally sure why.

I recognized I was resisting because I had read the questions before our call, but didn’t bother reflecting. I just put them away. Then on the call, I wasn’t wanting to share my thoughts, so I kept letting the other women share, all the while, sitting on the call listening intently and relishing in the beauty of their words as they were spoken.

Then it was my turn to speak, and suddenly it hit me so clearly. The tears started pouring down my face. All I had said up until the point of tears was “thank you” to the sister who had written the questions. Then the tears came rushing in. There was no stopping them.

I have no idea what I said on the call, but I trust that whatever came out was being spoken from the heart. <3

However, I do remember one thing I said.

I shared with my sisters, “I’m resisting these questions because they’re taking me back to memories of darker days. The days when I wasn’t as happy, living freely and aware of my True Power within.”

Those days existed not too long ago, so this is why I think I was getting emotional. I had fear coming up because I don’t want to go back to those days, or the memories of those days, if I get a choice.

They’re memories of days when I would ask myself, “is this what life is really supposed to be like? Feeling sad, angry, judgmental and like life is a struggle most of the time.” The days when I felt like I was going to explode because stress was boiling so high within my body there was nowhere else for it to go, so it was bound to burst at some point. Back to the days when I was just showing up in life, like a robot, following the lead of others, doing whatever society was telling me to do and not living in alignment with my True Self.

After our call, I decided to lay on the floor and meditate, while feeling into my heart space, but as I did this, the tears continued to come.

I stayed open to the emotions that were surfacing and began to silently ask myself some questions. Any questions that were coming to mind.

And then I started hearing whispers back.

You are ok.

We are with you.

Let us guide you.

Surrender to our love.

We got this together.

And this made the tears come even harder, but I just stayed centered and focused on my heart space, feeling into what was coming up. Then after a few moments I heard,

Loosen the reins.

Loosen the reins. I immediately jolted my eyes open and sat there thinking about how my horse back riding instructor keeps saying this phrase to me. One moment I’m being reminded to tighten them, the next I should be loosening them. A few moments later she is gracefully reminding me to tighten, but more times than not, she is telling me to loosen the reins. It’s either hot or cold with the reins for me, there doesn’t seem to be a middle ground at this point.

After this thought, I heard,

Surrender. Trust.

Then I realized how symbolic this was for me. I keep hearing Let Go and interpreting signs I’m receiving (by way of other people’s words, my dreams, images/visions) to Release. But I resist, which allows myself to get pulled back into the old paradigm, or way of thinking, that I need to plan, control and do.

While I’m experiencing some momentary sadness, the light in me is grateful for the whispery reminders that I’m OK, I’m surrounded by divine and infinite amounts of love, and that this love is guiding me, as long as I surrender. I’m grateful for the reminder that, I’m a co-creator in this world, but that I also need to learn to loosen the reins and stop trying to control and do everything.

As all these thoughts are coming up, I’m sitting here realizing I have a pulsing headache. This usually happens to me when I allow myself to feel and release. I’m feeling sadness, but at the same time I’m realizing it’s also gratitude, appreciation, acceptance and love. I know these feelings and emotions need to come to the conscious mind in order to heal, and I was reminded of this immediately as I began reflecting on another conversation I recently had about the sweet taste of grace and ease.

My point in sharing this is to speak out about how I’m really feeling. To admit that I have good days, and I have bad. To admit that I cry, and I laugh, and that I don’t really have it all together all the time. It’s to show you that emotions can hit at any moment, and in many cases in the most unexpected, inopportune and uncomfortable times.

So when this happens to you, show yourself some grace and ease, practice BEing, shower yourself in love and remind yourself this is a moment in time that soon shall pass.

If you’re on the flip side, let this be a reminder for you that an emotional tidal wave can happen at any moment, so when this happens, be fully present, show compassion and empathy, and of course share your love with the other person. Allow them to be seen, heard and held in all of your goodness.

And please, my friends, never forget,

You will be ok.

You are not alone.

To let your heart guide you.

To surrender to the great sufficiency of love that surrounds you.

That you are a co-creator in this great, big, mysterious and beautiful world.

And to loosen the reins.

I love you and thanks for listening to my heartstrings today.